question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
