This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
