So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
