Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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