i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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