i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
