You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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