Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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