Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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