Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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