My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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