I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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