If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
