Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
