This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
