we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are we still banned from the library?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
that may or may not have been my penis.
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