Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
