i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
