dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
