sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
