If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
