So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
