i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
