I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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