I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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