I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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