So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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