from now on my penis is your penis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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