dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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