Soap is not a condiment
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
