Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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