Me too!
Duck Duck Cougar?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
