I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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