If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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