Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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