so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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