my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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