We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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