I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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