I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
