I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
