I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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