I think I died a long time ago.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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