I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
false alarm, still single
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