My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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