Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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