please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
