Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
