Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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