2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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