I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
