Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
