Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
