People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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