dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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