wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
