Banned from zoo.
Again?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
