A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
