No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
