My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
