I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
