Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
