You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
