i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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