the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
