I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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